TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
