A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
