Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
