I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
