I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
