Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's never too late to be topless.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
