He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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