Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
