If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
