if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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