Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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