she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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