He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
