The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
