Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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