Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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