i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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