You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
