Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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