My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
