Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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