I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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