You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
