you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
