Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
