yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
