Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
