Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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