Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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