Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
