i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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