I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
