My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
