ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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