we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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