I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
