Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
