you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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