This is not my ceiling
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
