and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
