at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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