some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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