I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
