"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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