If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
