dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
