After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
