Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
