just tell him i said nine months
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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