I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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