every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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