I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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