one two three fourrrrnication!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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