He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
