he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
