I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
where does the pee come out of this thing
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize