Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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