As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
