I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
