why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
