i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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