The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
