I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
