I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
