I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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