real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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