I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
