the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
