Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
