they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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