I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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