Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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