Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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