I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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