I'm going to rape someone's good day.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
