after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
