Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
