Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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