That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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