She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
