She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
