Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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