I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
