Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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