Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
