Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up under a house in Key West
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
