i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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