are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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