In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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