I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
