She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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